Wednesday, May 18, 2011

According to his wife’s financial disclosure forms, Newt Gingrich had a revolving charge account of between $250,000 and $5000,000 at Tiffany’s. How did Newt spend over $250,000 at Tiffany’s? I’m guessing it wasn’t on breakfast. A 6-figure jewelry charge account—at Tiffany’s. That doesn’t look good when you’re running for office. Newt, you want to connect with the common man—you should have had your half million dollar jewelry charge account at Zales. The numbers were included in the financial disclosure forms of Newt’s wife, Callista. I’m assuming the jewelry was for his wife too, unless Newt Gingrich has some very exotic piercings that we can’t see. OK, now I’ve made myself sick to my stomach.

Now pundits are saying that Newt Gingrich might be too undisciplined to run for president. Right. Here’s another news flash—Newt Gingrich might be too out of shape to qualify for the US Olympic track and field team. Everybody knew that Newt Gingrich was going to screw up eventually. But not too many people had him giving himself a first round knockout. Really, if this was a pay-per-view prize fight, people would be asking for their money back. Newt did a mea culpa on Fox News. That makes sense. Anyone who is watching Newt’s troubles on anything other than Fox News is simply doing it to enjoy watching Newt squirm. On Fox, Newt said “The budget vote is one that I am happy to say I would have voted for.” Newt, if you had done that, you’d be just as screwed in any election as you are now anyway. That’s why they’re so touchy about it.

Here’s a classic from Newt: “Any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood, because I have said publicly those words were inaccurate and unfortunate.” Translation: if I shouldn’t have said something, then as far as I’m concerned, I never did say it. Evidently if you quote Newt Gingrich, you are, by definition, misquoting him. Or by Newt’s definition, at least. I think Newt wants to float everything he ever says out as a trial balloon first. If it doesn’t end up being stupid and hurting him, then he’ll tell us “OK, that one is a keeper.” Here is what it’s come down to—in order to salvage his campaign, Newt Gingrich will have to refuse to comment on anything involving Newt Gingrich.

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